About Last Night

Last night was a life changer. But, of course, like any other life-changing day, it started out as a normal one.

When I read my Bible yesterday morning, God was reminding me to have peace in Him. I read Psalm 52:8-9, and then Romans 1:16. (Look it up, my dear.)
So I was like, okay, yeah, I'll trust Him and not worry about anything because He is God.
I even wrote in my journal:

I can have peace because the Almighty God is with me.

I thought it was just about my acads and work stuff and finances because those things were stressing me out lately. THAT WAS WHAT I THOUGHT.

Before I move on, let's get a bit of background story.

Last summer break, I rediscovered my passion for music. Yes, I'm a film major, but music has always been my first passion.

And so I started doing covers. I listen to bands. I dreamed of touring the world with my band. I imagined how amazing it would feel to play music in front of screaming crowds. I wanted to be able to feel that energy of performing in stadiums.

I just wanted to make music.

So, I pursued it. I kept reasoning with God that He told me in the past that I would write music. I would sing songs that would prophesy. So, I kept making music.

But then when I came back to school, I started to have doubts. I knew in my heart that something was wrong. I knew that my desires weren't quite in line with what God wanted for me. I was blinded by my desire for fame and power.

I kept reasoning with God. "God, you told me that I was going to write music." "God, I know that you're the one that put this desire in my heart." "God, I will use my music to glorify you." But I knew that it wasn't entirely true.

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I knew that in my heart, I wanted the fame. I wanted people to know my name. I wanted people to look up to me. I wanted the glamour, the perks. None of this included letting people know of God's love. It was wrong.

So I prayed.

I asked God for direction. "God, where do you want me to go? Do you want me to continue pursuing a career in music? Or do you want me to let it go?"

I kept asking. For months, I kept praying. At first, he didn't answer. Or maybe I just chose to ignore Him.

Then LAST NIGHT, He finally answered.

It was Worship and Prayer Night. (Just a side note: W&P Night was usually on the first Thursday of the month. This sem, I had night classes during Thursday. Then W&P Night was moved to Wednesday. Basically, God really wanted me to attend).

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So, we were worshiping. And then one of the pastors started praying and ministering to people. I sat there, left to my prayers.

As I stayed in my seat, I prayed for an answer to my questions. I asked for directions. And I honestly didn't think I'd actually get an answer last night.

Last night, after praying for specific people, someone took the stage and spoke about a vision she had while we were worshiping. She saw God smiling at us, and then taking off His glorious cloak. She spoke about how God gave up all His glory and came down to Earth as Jesus just for us. Then she asked: "Are you willing to give up your cloak for God?"

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FLOODGATES THAT ARE MY TEAR DUCTS OPENED AND GAVE WAY TO WAVES OF TEARS.

I couldn't even describe how I felt. I just remembered laughing to myself as I wept like a baby while whispering to God, "Okay."

What I do remember is having trouble in stopping my tears. I couldn't stop crying. Up until last night I always thought that I was okay with giving up anything that God would tell me to.
But last night, when God was already practically right in front of me, telling me to let go of pursuing my biggest passion, it was difficult.

I kept worrying. "How am I going to let go of this?" "I don't think I can." "I hurts too much."

It was heartbreak for me.

I talked with my coach about it, because I knew that I was going to have a hard time letting go. She told me, "This is where you'll see what really matters to you the most."

Basically, I had two choices: my plans or God's plans

I went back to my quiet time that morning and remembered that God was telling me not to worry and to trust in Him and to have peace in Him. And I was reminded that if this music thing isn't for me, then God has something even better for me. I was reminded that He only desires what's best for me, and he knows it. I didn't need to worry about what was next for me. My life is in the hands of God, and he knows what he's doing.


This morning, I was greeted with this by my journal:

I was like, "Okay, God, I get the picture!"

It didn't stop there, though. Basically, this was my quiet time this morning:

I realized that God was repeating himself to me over and over because He wanted me to see things the way that He sees them.

I was brought back to God's amazing love for me that he would even repeat himself to me everyday because he knew that I would have a hard time accepting it; He knew that it would be difficult for me.

He really just wanted me to dwell in the peace that He offers me.

God wanted me to really understand that He knew what was best for me, and He wanted the best for me. It's Jeremiah 29:11

That, my friends, is the story about last night.

The Movie House Didn't Feel Like Home

Just an hour ago, my family and I went to watch Maleficent.

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But I'm not going to talk about the movie. Nope. Partly because I really have nothing to say about it except that Maleficent's character was so bad-ass and sassy. And partly because I want to share my experience in the movie house itself.

First of all, I was very very very very disappointed about what the movie house did to the credits.

As we reached the end of the movie, I had decided that I was going to make my family stay until the credits were over. Who knows? There might be an additional scene during/after the credits. It may not be a Marvel movie, but it's Disney--and Disney owns Marvel. So, I was really looking forward to see the credits--the actors, the other people behind it, the possible ending scene.

And so it started rolling, and a remake of the song Once Upon A Dream from the Sleeping Beauty movie started playing. I got really excited, especially with the background music paying homage to the first Sleeping Beauty movie.

Then the music suddenly changed to We Are The Champions. I already knew what was happening, and I couldn't believe it.

The screen suddenly turned black. The movie was "over".

HOW. HOW COULD THEY DO THAT?! THE NERVE OF THEM TO CUT OFF THE MOVIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CREDITS?!

As a film student, I felt so disrespected.

The movie house just decided not to show the names of the people who were behind the film they just showed. How could they be so disrespectful? The credits held the names of the people who worked hard to create the film that gave life to movie house. Did they not understand that without those people whose names they decided not to show, there wouldn't even be movie houses?! How could they not appreciate them?

The least they could do was to show the whole movie.

They were a movie house, for heaven's sake! It's their job to show the whole movie. And they decided to cut it off just because the end part was just showing a bunch of names?! PFFFT! THE NERVE.

I once heard from my father that in movie houses in other countries, people stayed until the end of the credits to show respect to the people who made them. Why couldn't we do that? Why could we not at least show some respect to people who worked hard just to entertain us?

Which brings me to another thing I noticed in the movie house. It annoys me how most people couldn't pay full attention to the movie they decided to watch. I mean, texting, talking on the phone? Why.

It hurts to see that lots of people couldn't appreciate movies in the way that they should be appreciated. Or maybe that's just the film student in me talking.

But at some point during the movie, I had this desire to teach people how to really appreciate the whole beauty of films. Maybe it's because I'm a film student; maybe it's because I know I'm going to make films in the future, too.

But whatever the reason is, I believe that people should respect what other people do; people should show appreciation for the things that made them smile.

It's all about RESPECT, people.

I Hate Santa Claus

Yup. That big old white-bearded man in a red suit? Not really my most favorite person in the world.

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Yeah, I don't hate hate him like I'd burn down every single thing referring to him. I just dislike the fictional guy. Now, before you go on thinking, "Wow, this girl must be the female version of Bah-Humbug Scrooge," first let me explain. This post, after all, is my rant on this world's Christmas.

I remember when my mom and I were shopping for Christmas decorations to be given away. She kept picking up Santa decors, and I kept putting them back. I also get so annoyed when I see that the old guy is in almost every Christmas movie or TV special. And then the "Christmas songs" come, many of them being about this jolly old fellow visiting you in the middle of the night, or maybe even kissing your mom.

Thinking about these things now, I JUST CAN'T STAND IT!

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But the reason I really get annoyed when I see this "jolly old fellow" is because I hate that he's the one getting the limelight during the season that is never and will never be about him.

We all know what Christmas really is. (Tell me that you don't know and I will hit you back to the North Pole.)

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Really, we all know that Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. But maybe you don't understand how important this fact really is. Because Christmas is a lot more than basically being Jesus' birthday party.

It's a celebration for the great love of God that was shown through the birth of Jesus Christ. The world is a wicked and evil place. We are all just tiny filthy specks of dust, and all evil and wicked as well. We all deserve to be nailed to a cross. We all deserve to suffer and be tortured for all the evil things we have done and will do.

But because of God's great love and grace for mankind, he didn't want us to suffer. He didn't want us to be punished. That's why He gave his own Son, Jesus Christ, to be our substitute. He sent his own Son to suffer and die on a cross, just so we--yes, you and me--wouldn't have to experience the same pain and torture.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son... (John 3:16)

It should have been me and you on that cross, but God sent Jesus to take our place on the cross, even though we are all nothing compared to him.

We are the ones who did Him wrong, yet He was the one who made a way for us to avoid the punishment we deserve, up to the point of letting his Son die for us. That's how amazing the love of God is. 

And Christmas is the celebration of this amazing love.

It's about remembering and celebrating this amazing grace that God gave us.

That's why during Christmas (or New Year's Eve) I make a list of the things I'm thankful for the year. By the end of the list, I'm reminded of the amazing grace of God in my life.


This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I find it absolutely annoying that this old fictional guy gets all the attention when this season is so much bigger than him. Did he save the world from ultimate destruction? Did he die for anyone? Did he do anything at all?! Nope. The guy's not even real. Yet people are acting like he discovered the cure for cancer and gave it away for free.

He's just some character who sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake. Isn't that creepy enough?!

But well, enough hate on Santa. How about those "Christmas songs" that are actually just romance songs with the word "Christmas" in it? Or even about wanting someone for Christmas? Or all those incoming posts and statuses about being "single on Christmas Day. :("

So what?! Whether you have a date or not, Jesus still came to save mankind--that's enough reason to rejoice and celebrate.


Basically, I dislike a lot of "Christmassy" things. BUT I DON'T HATE CHRISTMAS! I just dislike everything that takes away the whole meaning of Christmas.

Christmas is not about Santa Claus. It's not about kids. It's not about the gifts. It's not even about giving.

There's a reason why we call it Christmas, and not Santamas, or Kidsmas.


Remember that CHRIST will always always be in CHRISTMAS.

SHIFT

First of all, I would like to clearly state that THIS IS NOT A FILM REVIEW. These are just my random thoughts on Siege Ledesma's SHIFT.

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Secondly, I would also want to share that I DID NOT GET TO SEE THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE. And it kills me. It is killing me. I came in possibly in the middle part of the film. And seriously, I hated it. But seeing some other people coming in even later than I was kind of compensated for it. (Yes, sadistic. I know.)

You should also know that I am a big big fan of Yeng Constantino who plays the role of Estela, the lead female role. Which is why I almost cried when people started applauding her when she said this witty line. I was like, "Yup. She's an actress now. And people adore her."

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So going back to the film, truly, it was a big unconventional story. I mean, a tomboyish girl falls in-love with her gay friend? It could sound like a cheesy mainstream flick starring certain comedians. But one thing I absolutely love about indie movies is the rawness of the story, and that was exactly what was shown in Shift.

There was no cheesiness that would make you want to hurl. Just raw emotion. And it was so realistic.

I would really have to commend Ms. Constantino's acting. It was so genuine. Well, sure, there were bits that were so obviously scripted. But hey, let's give her a break. It's her first film. But the way she portrayed her character was just so natural, which is why she was so perfect for the role of Estela. The way she moved, walked, talked, laughed--it was just right, and it was so real you could see it in her eyes.

I could still remember the scene where *SPOILER ALERT* she was yelling for her sister so angrily. It's funny because the way she was calling her sister and the way she tried to calm herself was exactly how actual people would do it. Not how mainstreams would yell in the most beautiful and graceful way possible. (I'm not criticizing the mainstream film industry though.)

I guess what makes it so relatable was how the scenes were shown the way it should be. As I've said before, no OA cheesiness. It is what it is.

I absolutely loved the scene where *SPOILER ALERT* Kevin confesses that he likes Estela. I liked how Estela reacted to it--she openly said that she liked Kevin before but now she loves someone else. Kevin, on the other hand, reacts lightheartedly to it since they've always had the you're-so-irritating-but-you're-fun-to-be-with-especially-since-Estela-is-one-of-the-boys-so-we're-practically-brothers relationship. No drama. And I loved it.

There was a certain kilig factor to it because I know that most girls with close guy friends have gone through that awkward stage of I-think-he-likes-me-and-I-think-I-kind-of-like-him-too-but-we're-just-going-to-be-friends-coz-it's-just-a-crush. (Or maybe it's just me? Haha!)

And Trevor and Estela's cute scenes together. It wasn't overdone. It was just right and so clear. Two friends just really enjoying the company of each other, all while trying to suppress their feelings for each other. One was in denial, one was in hiding. It's a pretty hard task for the actors. But, they did it perfectly. It would make you go, "Aww" in the most non-irritating way.

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Also, the story itself was something else. Though I don't have much to say since I didn't start the film. *sniff* Yes, there were parts that were pretty slow. But then again, maybe I didn't find so much significance in it since I never really got the beginning of the story. *sniff sniff* But the story of call centers and call center agents, plus a totally unusual love story? #Awesome

Cinematography = Awesomer. Really. SOOO AWESOME. It's the type of cinematography that's always been appealing to me. Plus, the text-in-video effects? Loved it. (Hello, BBC One's Sherlock.)

Soundtrack = Much Awesomer. It was like... 500 Days of Summer. (Think: Sweet Disposition) Now, you begin to understand what kind of movie it was, yeah? Needless to say, the soundtrack kind of clued me in that this film was for young adults (early 20's?). I mean, they would probably enjoy it even more than other age groups. (Maybe? AGAIN, these are opinions.)

And of course, the open-ended ending. (Was that redundant?)

When the screen turned black after the question, "Where do you see yourself five years from now?" left Estela speechless, I reeeally thought it was just a long cut into another scene. Or worse, a technical problem. But then the credits started showing. I was like... WHUUUUUT. What just happened?! Omg, it's done? It's done?!

I like open-endeds. Really. The first I saw was Ang Babae sa Septik Tank, and it was awesome. I loved it so much. I mean, it was the perfect way to end it.

But, this... I really didn't get it. BUT I GUESS IT WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T START THE MOVIE. Which is actually true because Direk Siege Ledesma clearly stated that the beginning of the film was kind of connected to the open-ended ending. So there. Obviously my fault. *sniff*


I'd say a whole lot more, but my brain is beginning to hibernate.

But truly, I loved the film. I loved Yeng Constantino. I loved Estela Alano. I now love Felix Roco. And I most especially loved how the story was told through the film. How it was made to be relatable and not irritable. How it was such a simple story, yet it oozes with appeal. How, as I've said earlier, it was made to be so real. There were no cheesy lines or even kissing! Yet it was like getting shot by Cupid.

Well, you get the picture.

I'm gonna have to take notes for my future thesis film. ;)




Photos are from Shift's Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Shift.C1

God is Able

It was a pretty normal Sunday last November 10 when my cousin and I went to attend the 9am service of Victory Caloocan.

Well, at first, it seemed pretty normal.

I was all-out during the praise. I was even grinning to myself with no reason at all. Talk about rejoicing! During the worship, I couldn't keep myself from smiling again. This time, I was smiling in awe.

"God is Able
He will never fail
He is almighty God 

Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things" (Hillsong, 2011)

These were the words we were singing in worship; the words that made me smile. I was reminded of the greatness and power of God. I mean, just read the lyrics! Listen to the whole song, even! There are no words to describe how I was feeling as I gave my all in worshiping the almighty God.

In the middle of the song, Pastor Ferdie del Valle went up to the stage and talked about what the Philippines has been going through. A minute later, he asked everyone to get a partner and just pray for the nation.

I started to pray with my cousin. But I found it hard to speak; I was stuttering. I felt my emotions just welling up in me. I had so much to pray for that I was having a hard time organizing my thoughts. But I continued, even though I was practically saying the same thing over and over again: God is all-powerful, and he reigns over all.

As we continued to worship, I found myself breathless at what we were singing of.

"God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us"

I was amazed. I was more than amazed. 

I was reminded of how God is able to restore our nation from this storm. I was reminded that God is with us..

God, the Almighty God, the King of kings and Lord of lords, the Alpha and Omega, is on our side and He is more than willing to help us overcome this devastation. Just think about it.


I've seen different reactions of people on Yolanda. They mainly try to answer the question why. Why the Philippines? Why give us a typhoon this strong?

One of them answered pretty much like this: God knew that the Philippines is strong, that's why He sent us a strong storm.

Another blogged about how God is punishing the Philippines for its sins, which is why He sent us Yolanda. (I only read parts of the blog post, I couldn't get myself to finish it. I was already stopping myself from throwing my laptop.)

But that Sunday, as we worshiped God, I suddenly had a feeling of excitement. As I realized how God is going to work in this nation, I felt excited.

I was excited for what God is about to do in the Philippines.

And that's when I remembered this passage:

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned,this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him." (John 9:1-3)

 That's when I realized that maybe this is "why the Philippines".

God wants to reveal himself to his people. God wants his people to see and believe in his greatness and power. God wants his people to witness great miracles. God wants his people experience his amazing grace.

Just like what my friend said on Facebook:

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God wants the whole world to see his great power and awesome miracles through what he is about to do in our nation.



I am genuinely excited for what God is about to do in the Philippines. Everything happens for a reason, and surely, Yolanda happened for a reason. And we can also be sure that that reason is not and will not be something like, "I just wanted to hurt the Philippines." NO.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

We just have to remember that no matter what may happen, the almighty and all-powerful compassionate and loving God is in control. We just have to trust him.

He knows what he's doing.

Yolanda PH

A few hours ago, one of the strongest typhoons to ever hit our nation just left the Philippine Area of Responsibility, leaving a terrifying remembrance of its trail through the country.

Being the "strongest typhoon to strike land," super-typhoon Yolanda (known as Typhoon Haiyan internationally), brought out wise and encouraging words from many people both locally and globally.

Remember the famous F4 and San Cai from Meteor Garden, one of the biggest Taiwanese drama to land in Philippine television? They've expressed their awe of the Filipinos' ability to smile in the middle of the storm.

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CNN has expressed the same as well, taking notice of the unwavering smile of our countrymen.

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But a few of the best words I've read so far were from our fellow countrymen. Here's a post on Facebook from Quest, a renowned OPM artist.

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This suddenly gave me the urge to stand up with my head held high. Truly, we Filipinos are stronger than what we think.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Cor. 4:8-9)

And another post on Facebook, perhaps the one post that really stuck to my mind and heart, was from a friend of mine. This is what he said:

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When I first read this, I died a little inside. Only because it was so true that it broke my heart.

We've all seen posts with the hashtag: #PrayForThePhilippines, right? I'm pretty sure a lot of them came from people who can't even thank God before they eat. And well, James' status have said it all.

May that be a reminder that prayer isn't just a few words you say when things are going wrong. As James put it, it's a lifestyle.



I'm not one to watch the news every night. Which means that sometimes after storms hit our country I never really understand how bad it is unless I actually experienced it. But this time, even just by seeing a few parts of the news I already realized how strong and big of a storm it was.

I felt that strong tug in my heart that made me so close to crying--a feeling I don't normally get from watching the news. And as much as I hate to admit it, it really got me scared.

But a few moments later, I found myself feeling stronger and much more confident.

Why?

I remembered that despite what was happening around us, God is still God. No matter what happens, he will always be Sovereign. Nothing can change the fact that God is still in control, and He will always be there to help us get back up on our feet.

"...if we are faithless,
he remains faithful..." (2 Tim. 2:13)

God will always be God. If He can create a universe, you can be sure he can make the Philippines stand firm on its feet. And if He can give his own Son for a world of worthless sinners, you can be sure he can and will help us overcome this trial.

Because of this, we can have even more reasons to smile. Our God is a big God. He is bigger and stronger than any "supertyphoon" that may come. He is more powerful than whatever crisis or disaster that may happen. He is greater than the universe itself. He reigns over the universe. The universe bows at His feet.

He is above all things.

And he is on our side.

The great and all-powerful and almighty God is the God of this nation.

Brand New Eyes

I've been to Thailand, Macau, and Hong Kong.

When a Filipino visits a neighboring country, there's one line that's usually said: Parang Pilipinas lang!

I've got to admit, I've said that both mentally and verbally. Because it's true!

The buildings and cars are pretty much the same, the trees that line up their streets are the same trees in our backyards, the temperature is close enough, even the people look like Filipinos! The point is, the countries around us bear striking resemblance to our own.

But despite that fact, I still couldn't seem to take the goofy smile off my face when I looked at my surroundings during these out-of-the-country trips. I mean, I saw pretty much the same things I see here. Yet I kept smiling like a fool.

Then I realized why.

Because nothing could change the fact that I was in another country. That makes a big impact on everything.

Knowing that I was in a different country and out of my comfort zone created a new mindset for me. The fact that I was practically in a new world changed my perspective. It gave me brand new eyes. Suddenly, everything was so beautiful; everything was so unique.

Maybe the fact that I was in a new place far from home brainwashed me. It made me look at the world like it was the first time I opened my eyes.


Just recently, I moved from the province to Manila for my studies. And one day, while walking (or possibly commuting--does it really matter?), I had this idea.

I decided to look at my surroundings like I was in another country. I changed my perspective and looked around me the way that I would look at places in Thailand or Macau or Hong Kong.

Suddenly, I was smiling. I smiled that goofy smile I had when I was out of the country.

Then I thought, "The Philippines is so beautiful."


Since then, I sometimes stop and look around me with a new perspective. Every time, I see a whole new beauty of our country. And, as cliché as it seems, I begin to see that it is more fun in the Philippines. ;)

I encourage that once you walk out the door, today or maybe tomorrow, try to look at the Philippines with brand new eyes. I'm pretty sure you'd find yourself wearing that goofy smile I had, too.