About Last Night

Last night was a life changer. But, of course, like any other life-changing day, it started out as a normal one.

When I read my Bible yesterday morning, God was reminding me to have peace in Him. I read Psalm 52:8-9, and then Romans 1:16. (Look it up, my dear.)
So I was like, okay, yeah, I'll trust Him and not worry about anything because He is God.
I even wrote in my journal:

I can have peace because the Almighty God is with me.

I thought it was just about my acads and work stuff and finances because those things were stressing me out lately. THAT WAS WHAT I THOUGHT.

Before I move on, let's get a bit of background story.

Last summer break, I rediscovered my passion for music. Yes, I'm a film major, but music has always been my first passion.

And so I started doing covers. I listen to bands. I dreamed of touring the world with my band. I imagined how amazing it would feel to play music in front of screaming crowds. I wanted to be able to feel that energy of performing in stadiums.

I just wanted to make music.

So, I pursued it. I kept reasoning with God that He told me in the past that I would write music. I would sing songs that would prophesy. So, I kept making music.

But then when I came back to school, I started to have doubts. I knew in my heart that something was wrong. I knew that my desires weren't quite in line with what God wanted for me. I was blinded by my desire for fame and power.

I kept reasoning with God. "God, you told me that I was going to write music." "God, I know that you're the one that put this desire in my heart." "God, I will use my music to glorify you." But I knew that it wasn't entirely true.

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I knew that in my heart, I wanted the fame. I wanted people to know my name. I wanted people to look up to me. I wanted the glamour, the perks. None of this included letting people know of God's love. It was wrong.

So I prayed.

I asked God for direction. "God, where do you want me to go? Do you want me to continue pursuing a career in music? Or do you want me to let it go?"

I kept asking. For months, I kept praying. At first, he didn't answer. Or maybe I just chose to ignore Him.

Then LAST NIGHT, He finally answered.

It was Worship and Prayer Night. (Just a side note: W&P Night was usually on the first Thursday of the month. This sem, I had night classes during Thursday. Then W&P Night was moved to Wednesday. Basically, God really wanted me to attend).

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So, we were worshiping. And then one of the pastors started praying and ministering to people. I sat there, left to my prayers.

As I stayed in my seat, I prayed for an answer to my questions. I asked for directions. And I honestly didn't think I'd actually get an answer last night.

Last night, after praying for specific people, someone took the stage and spoke about a vision she had while we were worshiping. She saw God smiling at us, and then taking off His glorious cloak. She spoke about how God gave up all His glory and came down to Earth as Jesus just for us. Then she asked: "Are you willing to give up your cloak for God?"

AND THAT'S WHEN THE FLOODGATES THAT ARE MY TEAR DUCTS OPENED AND GAVE WAY TO WAVES OF TEARS.

I couldn't even describe how I felt. I just remembered laughing to myself as I wept like a baby while whispering to God, "Okay."

What I do remember is having trouble in stopping my tears. I couldn't stop crying. Up until last night I always thought that I was okay with giving up anything that God would tell me to.
But last night, when God was already practically right in front of me, telling me to let go of pursuing my biggest passion, it was difficult.

I kept worrying. "How am I going to let go of this?" "I don't think I can." "I hurts too much."

It was heartbreak for me.

I talked with my coach about it, because I knew that I was going to have a hard time letting go. She told me, "This is where you'll see what really matters to you the most."

Basically, I had two choices: my plans or God's plans

I went back to my quiet time that morning and remembered that God was telling me not to worry and to trust in Him and to have peace in Him. And I was reminded that if this music thing isn't for me, then God has something even better for me. I was reminded that He only desires what's best for me, and he knows it. I didn't need to worry about what was next for me. My life is in the hands of God, and he knows what he's doing.


This morning, I was greeted with this by my journal:

I was like, "Okay, God, I get the picture!"

It didn't stop there, though. Basically, this was my quiet time this morning:

I realized that God was repeating himself to me over and over because He wanted me to see things the way that He sees them.

I was brought back to God's amazing love for me that he would even repeat himself to me everyday because he knew that I would have a hard time accepting it; He knew that it would be difficult for me.

He really just wanted me to dwell in the peace that He offers me.

God wanted me to really understand that He knew what was best for me, and He wanted the best for me. It's Jeremiah 29:11

That, my friends, is the story about last night.